Dying for Sex Recap: Samantha Was Wrong

While Sex in the City was lauded in the late ’90s as revolutionary for opening up conversations surrounding sex and pleasure, it certainly didn’t embrace the full spectrum of potential sexual experiences. The fab foursome mostly engaged in “vanilla” heterosexual sex, and Carrie herself never really even explored sex beyond a handful of positions in a comfy bed. But the idea of talking about sex and bringing it out into the open was the start of something more.

Samantha, Miranda, Carrie, and Charlotte represented a slim wedge of the sexual pie, but ever since they gabbed their way through a thousand brunches, shows like Orange Is the New Black, Girls, and Sex Education have presented female sexuality as having a buffet of options. There’s no one way to be turned on, and there’s no wrong way to be turned on (as long as all parties are consenting). As Dying for Sex moves into Molly’s intense exploration of her sexuality, it’s of note that there have been no scenes of “typical” penetrative sex thus far in the show. A character does mention that she likes “a good old-fashioned dick in the vagina” at one point, and hey, that’s great! But the sex many of us automatically think of when we think of “sex” is notably absent as the show opens up alternative worlds of pleasure for Molly.

In episodes “Feelings Can Become Amplified” and “Topping Is a Sacred Skill,” Molly finds that she’s turned on by taking charge. At first, she has a disastrous sexual encounter with a baby-faced 25-year-old dude (Marcello Hernández) in which he keeps asking her what she likes and she can’t answer. I’m very happy to see that young dudes are asking women what they like in bed, but some people don’t know! Try some stuff, guy! You have consent here. Also, the dude doesn’t really seem to know how to ask for what he wants, either. He just keeps repeating the word “clasp” over and over until it literally has no meaning. Molly isn’t sure if he wants her to cup his balls or twist them or squeeze them or what. Thoroughly turned off, she kicks him out.

During this time, Molly is also trying some new medications that cause vaginal dryness, which results in the hilarious visual of a Costco-size lube pump appearing in her bed during the clasp debacle. She’s also attending some cancer groups. She starts out in the stage-four group but then decides that she wants to go where the hope is. She lies in order to attend the group where the women with curable cancer are. This ruse doesn’t last long, and it’s devastating to see her get kicked out of the group because, as the group leader indelicately puts it, “what’s happening to you is their worst fear.”

Molly tries to radiate joy and light, but she also has to attend endless doctor’s appointments. Nikki is unfailingly by her side, so much so that she gets fired from her acting job. She temporarily keeps this from Molly to spare her the stress. Nikki’s life is teetering on the brink of collapse, but she keeps noting that it’s all worth it because she doesn’t want to regret anything in retrospect. Even though she’s literally doing everything — including noticing that Molly’s walk is off when her hip is on the brink of snapping — she still doubts her ability to be a good caretaker.

For her part, Molly is grateful that Nikki is helping her through her cancer journey. Keeping up with her medical treatments is almost like a full-time job, so it’s interesting when a sexual opportunity presents itself right at her front door. The majestic Rob Delaney, credited only as “Neighbor Guy,” appears in her elevator one day, chomping on a burrito as Molly and Clasp Dude go up to her apartment. After she kicks Clasp out, she starts to pleasure herself and hears her neighbor doing the same thing through his wall. The idea of him getting turned on because he can hear her moaning turns her on, and she comes, resulting in what she tells Nikki is a “mistake orgasm.” When Nikki asks her how it felt, she hilariously thinks to herself that it was “a full-on marching band inside my pants.”

Of course, neighbors are gonna neighbor, and Molly keeps running into the guy. The next time she sees him, he’s messily throwing his trash in the hallway, and she finds herself ordering him to pick it up. They both run into their apartments and masturbate, and when he asks for permission to come, she denies him. Later, the two have an intense moment when Molly dumps his lingering, smelly trash bag all over his front door and then storms into his apartment, demanding that he jerk off in front of her. He’s more than happy to do so, and the sight of the diminutive Molly standing, fully clothed, while this gigantic, hairy man bends to her whim is a sight to behold. She tells him she wants to kick him in the dick, and he’s excited by the idea, begging her to do it. She does, kicking with all her tiny might, but something breaks. Mid–sexual awakening, Molly falls on the floor, writhing in agony. Her spirit is flourishing, but her body is starting to fail her.

While she’s recovering in the hospital, Molly tells both Nikki and Sonya what she was doing when her femur snapped. To her credit, it’s an absolutely amazing story. Sonya reassures her that sex isn’t just what Samantha told us all those decades ago on Sex in the City. Instead, she says to think of sex as “a wave” or a “mind-set.” I love this. I love Sonya. Everyone needs a Sonya in their lives.

Molly’s hip heals between episodes three and four. After her encounter with her neighbor, she realizes that she likes being in control. So she works on carrying what she’s learned into her everyday life. She begins looking for men to dominate on the internet, and she finds an adorably affable finance bro (Zack Robidas) who’s into penis humiliation and cock cages. In a very funny twist, this dude has the most beautiful penis Molly has ever seen, and while she gamely tries to make fun of it, she stumbles a bit. Later, she debriefs with Nikki and tells her about the cock cage and the unicorn dick, adding that she had to “cram it in like I was balling up a sweat sock.” This show is very good at eliciting sex-based laughs. Sex totally doesn’t need to be serious!

Dying for Sex never really puts the actual act of sex on a pedestal. The show knows that all types of sex, whether solo or with others, are just a conversation between bodies and minds. When Nikki and Molly giddily attend a “kink-forward, play-party potluck” that smells of vagina and oregano (this line earned a very real gag from me), the primary focus of the sequence is to have Molly witness a public BDSM encounter. A person named G (Robby Hoffman) directs a woman to a table to pleasure herself. G slowly and deliberately gives orders to the woman, telling her, “Don’t come until I say so.” Molly watches in rapture. “That’s what I want,” she says. But is it?

She goes to see G at work, and G tells Molly that she needs to put herself in a more submissive situation before she can consider “topping,” or being the dominant partner in a sexual situation. G turns out to be right, because as Molly plays with the finance bro later, yelling insults at him as she stomps on his chest in stilettos, the insults turn inward. “I hate you!” she bellows as the bro disappears. Instead, she sees herself on the floor with her mastectomy scars, and then her 7-year-old self. “Red! Red!” the bro shouts their safe word, and Molly shakes out of her reverie of self-hatred. The bro isn’t too worried about it. He says that “top drop” is scary, and then he and his perfect penis head off to the kitchen for a snack.

Molly realizes that G was right all along, and she goes back to the home-goods store where G works to “submit sexually.” G quickly ushers her into the back room, and they have an interaction where she gently shows Molly through a short session. G is gentle, understanding, and firm. She recognizes that “something happened” to Molly, and that now that she’s exploring sex other than the “vanilla” variety, she’s no longer able to disappear or hide. G asks lots of questions, always seeking explicit consent, consistently reminds Molly to stay present in the moment, and also affirms Molly’s power in the situation. These are all awesome reminders, especially for someone dealing with past sexual trauma. Then, like Clasp Dude, G starts to ask what Molly wants her to do. But this time, Molly has answers.

As Molly asks for a few things, G is careful and loving, and she even pauses for a moment to carefully blow on Molly’s hip scar. Nothing that might be traditionally considered “sex” happens, but it’s the most intimate and electrifying scene we’ve seen on the show to date. Hoffman nails every beat of this scene, always appearing in full control but also considerate and loving. The concepts that she underscores throughout this encounter should really be taught in every sex-ed class. Consistent consent, staying present, and the idea that asserting your wants and needs during sex is a superpower would literally be chapters in a dream sex-ed book that I just conjured up in my head. I’d love it if the writers for Dying for Sex could get on that.

After her afternoon with G, Molly has an appointment with Dr. P. She asks him to sit next to her on the exam table, orders him to breathe with her, and then tells him how she wants the rest of her treatment to go. The sweet Dr. P — whose first name is Jerry! — agrees to everything and then smiles his way out of the room. Dr. P is great, but this scene is a reminder that the medical-industrial complex in the U.S. is built for quick interactions that don’t benefit or consider the patient. This is a recipe to traumatize people dealing with severe illness and also to retraumatize victims of situations where they previously felt a loss of bodily autonomy. Molly taking this opportunity to assert her wants and needs with Dr. P is a huge step here.

Another huge step is Nikki forgiving the doctor who shrugged off the lump in Molly’s chest when she came to him years ago. Earlier in the episode, we find out that Molly’s first OB/GYN told her not to worry about a lump in her chest, but then, a decade later, it came back as breast cancer. This man stole her opportunity for early treatment and a chance at saving her life. Nikki, for her part, decides to forgive him. She also tells Molly that she lost her job a month ago, but at this point, it’s clear that she’s really living for Molly. At one point, she tells her sister that she’s going to be there for Molly, no matter what.

Now that Molly and Nikki are working on not being so angry, Molly is free to explore her relationship with Neighbor Guy. They see one another in the elevator, and he tells her that he thinks about their moment together “all the time.” She looks him directly in the eyes, taking back her power as the credits roll. It’s unclear why these two crazy kids weren’t together this entire time, but I’m excited to see what they’re going to get up to now that they’ve reconnected.