Gayle King, Please Don’t Go to Space

ABLUpdated 1 week Ago3 Mins read3

Much like Bradley Jackson on The Morning Show, Gayle King is going to space. It was announced today on CBS Mornings that King’s trip on one of Jeff Bezos’s phallic Blue Origin rockets will lift off on April 14 at 9:30 a.m. ET. She’ll be joined by an all-female crew that includes former NASA rocket scientist Aisha Bowe; civil-rights activist Amanda Nguyen; film producer Kerianne Flynn; Bezos’s fiancée, Lauren Sánchez; and “E.T.” singer Katy Perry. That means there’s about two weeks left for King to bail on this bad idea. Gayle, if you’re reading this, please do not go to space.

As a general rule, one should never go with an eccentric billionaire to a second location, especially if that second location is somewhere dangerous like outer space, the bottom of the ocean, or Nobu Malibu. Do you know what happens in space? Things go wrong. We only just finally rescued those two astronauts who had been stranded up there for nine months, what makes anybody think now’s a good time to go? That’s like getting in line for a roller coaster before the ambulance has even pulled away with the previous rider in tow. And besides, what’s the big draw for this 11-minute trip anyway? Spoiler alert: You’ll float! So what? That’s not particularly exciting. And if you really want to see what space is like, just watch WALL-E like the rest of us.

At least some of these “crew members” make sense, like rocket scientist Aisha Bowe, or Amanda Nguyen, who aspired to be an astronaut and once interned at NASA. As for Lauren Sanchez, I can only imagine this is a part of some bizarre prenup clause, and Katy Perry is probably trying to distract us from 143. But why Gayle? She even admitted that unlike her fellow passengers, this was never her dream — so if this is just about overcoming a fear, I promise you there are other ways to do that.

When the news was first announced last month, King went on CBS Mornings and tearfully admitted she’s terrified to go to space. “I have to tell you,” she said, “I’m so afraid.” After she was first approached to board the ship last Thanksgiving, her first instinct was to say no. Well, why aren’t we listening to that gut instinct, Gayle? We can barely even keep planes in the air these days, let alone rocket ships. “I don’t know how to explain being terrified and excited at the same time,” she continued, “It’s like how I felt about to deliver a baby.” But being terrified of space is the correct way to feel about space. What if you get stuck up there, or even worse, what if you get stuck up there and Katy Perry starts singing “Woman’s World”?

When the official launch date was announced this morning, King reiterated, “I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’m very nervous, but also very excited. And I only ask people, when you see me on the street, please don’t tell me not to go … I just want people to cheer me on,” and since this isn’t the street, this impassioned plea stands. But it’s worth noting, if I had enough strangers coming up to me on the street to urge me against doing something — I’d heed those ominous warnings. And I’d certainly value their opinions more than Jeff “Lex Luthor” Bezos’s. When he can figure out how to deliver an Amazon package on time, then maybe we can trust him to deliver a human safely back to Earth — but until then, no way.

The whole world is better off when we know a national treasure like Gayle King is safe and within our atmosphere. Sure, she’s nervous, but what about all of her devoted fans, who will remain on edge until both of her feet are once again firmly on the ground? She attempted to assuage those communal fears this morning, saying, “I’m intending to come back.” But if she really wants the adrenaline rush of traveling somewhere with a billionaire, we instead recommend she just do another road trip with Oprah.