John Mulaney Wants to Fight Some Teen Boys

Here’s the thing about writers room bits: they’re not for public consumption. You’re stuck in an office with the same people for hours and hours every day, eating Tender Greens and smelling each other’s farts, and things get punchy. You goof around and say wild shit, knowing someone in charge will say “That’s so funny, but we can’t use that.” Not so with Everybody’s Live! A room bit of whether or not John Mulaney can fight three teen boys will not only become television, it will become a real life fight.

On Wednesday night’s Everybody’s Live With John Mulaney, the titular John Mulaney said he was gonna get into a boyfight. It started with the whole “could 100 men fight one gorilla” question going around online. “It has prompted a debate in our writers room about whether three 14-year-old boys could beat up me, John Mulaney,” him, John Mulaney, said. In the spirit of scientific inquiry, otherwise known as “fuck around, find out,” Mulaney has vowed to fight three 14-year-old boys on his show’s season (series?) finale May 28. “Is this legal? So far, we think so,” Mulaney said. “It’s not assault, we know that. And we’re vetting every step of it. I’ve been led to believe that if it’s for TV, it’s a lawful practice.”

So if you want your son to square up against Spider-Ham, email [email protected]. U.S. applicants only. Also, does anyone know if there’s a kid from John Mulaney and the Sack Lunch Bunch who is now 14? Asking for a friend.

Related

• Everybody’s Live With John Mulaney Again
• John Mulaney’s Playhouse
• Why Did John Mulaney Make a Children’s TV Special?