Sirens Finale Recap: Mrs. Somebody

All the Big Little Lies and White Lotuses of the TV world have trained me so well that Sirens ending without some violent reveal feels like the most surprising turn it could have taken. Sirens’s ending is a solid reminder that, sometimes, the most dramatic stories can also be the most realistic. For as unnerving as Michaela and her house have been, the truth is that she, Simone, and Devon are just three women trying to beat the odds however they can.

Is it rough to see Simone willingly take over Michaela’s gilded cage? Of course. Does it make sense? Well, yes.

Simone’s always been driven by a determination to keep herself safe and secure no matter what. At the beginning of “Siren Song,” she thinks she’s finally done it. After waking up in the hospital room with Devon after Ethan’s fall — he’s fine, if “mangled” — Simone reveals Michaela’s life-changing promotion offer. In turn, Devon shares that Captain Morgan asked her to go sailing for the month. After spending the last few episodes locking horns and saying things they can never take back, the sisters finally make peace. They apologize, they hug, and it’s so lovely to see! Since there’s still an hour left in this episode, though, there’s no way any of this is ever gonna happen.

Sure enough, Michaela’s busy instructing her (thrilled!) employees to donate all of Simone’s things to Goodwill. Since the staff has no idea what Simone has been through — and since she’s been truly rotten to them — I couldn’t possibly blame them all for celebrating the news of her firing, which they’ve clearly been craving for months.

Simone, still at the hospital, remains blissfully ignorant of Kiki’s vengeful turn. Peter also has no idea, since he’s gone to check on Simone with Captain Morgan, who offers to take Devon back to her dad. On the way, Devon goes against her instincts to ask if she can still sail with him to Palm Beach. He says yes! Great! Surely nothing will happen between now and the gala to get in the way of their happiness — like, say, Ray going missing and leaving Bruce to wander around and almost off the cliff.

Meanwhile, Peter apologizes to Simone for indulging Ethan’s bullshit fantasy of reuniting her with her dad. When Ethan does wake up, Peter and Simone are there for his drug-induced rages about a monstrous Simone “pushing” him off the cliff. “Show him your wings! Show him who you really are!” he yells wildly. (I see he got Michaela’s “keep everything on the bird theme” memo.) Peter firmly tells him to shut up, which is not unattractive. But Simone shows no signs yet of wanting to indulge him on that front, and why should she? At this point, she’s figured she’s got it made. But that fantasy comes crashing down once she gets back to her suite to find everything packed up — except the photo of Peter kissing her.

Simone’s final scene with Michaela — not to mention Milly Alcock’s final scene with Julianne Moore — is brief but scorching. Kiki seems less upset by the kiss itself than Simone withholding the fact of it from her. “I knew it would devastate you,” Simone tries to explain, “and I live my life not to devastate you.” All Michaela can manage is a tight-lipped “well.” Simone, desperate, points out that Peter cheated on his wife with Michaela, so she should understand. Michaela, terrible boss that she is, replies that Jocelyn wasn’t her friend, but Simone is her best friend. “Now you’re a threat to my marriage, and everything I’ve built is at risk, so you have to go,” she says firmly.

Simone can’t believe it. “Kiki, you’re killing me,” she sobs. Moore summons all her powers of nuance as Michaela’s face half-twitches, betraying at least some recognition that laying the blame at Simone’s feet isn’t particularly fair. “I’m so sorry,” she says. And that, for now, is that.

Oblivious to this unfolding drama, Devon and Bruce are prepping for the gala they sure as hell won’t get to attend anymore. When she brings up the idea of her sailing off with Captain Morgan, he’s amenable to it in his own way. “You don’t owe me shit,” he says. Devon smiles, relieved. But then he calls her Simone, and the moment’s ruined as he realizes he’s losing his grip on reality again. It’s so bad that it’s almost a relief when Missy comes in to kick them out alongside Simone.

Jose drives the shell-shocked DeWitts straight to the island’s jail, where Ray is holed up alongside Drunk Girl after being found naked on the beach. (To all those hoping for a flashback, I see you and am holding your hands in solidarity.) After Devon unleashed on Ray last night, he went swimming and got caught in a riptide. Now, he blames her for all of it. “You are the dark current!” he yells, sounding an awful lot like Ethan’s outburst at Simone. All these men really need to make women mythically evil in order to extricate themselves, huh?

In the other room, Bruce and Simone are left alone for the first time in years. He takes the opportunity to acknowledge everything he did (and didn’t) do for her as a kid, none of which she wants to hear. He then triggers her absolute worst nightmare when he says, “Devon’s going away, and it’s gonna be me and you again.” This quickly snaps Simone out of her post-firing haze. Get stuck again in Buffalo with her abusive father? Could never be Simone! And so she makes a break for it, running full tilt back to the Cliff House from whence she came.

Meanwhile, Peter has found out that Simone got fired and he’s pissed. Michaela’s official story is that Simone stole her earrings, which is unconvincing at best. When he asks why she’d fire someone so close to her, Michaela seems genuinely distraught. “The truth is I love her, but I don’t get to have her, do I?” she cries, and I have no doubt that she means it. (She’s not beating the queer allegations anytime soon, is all I’m saying.)

Peter leaves to see Simone’s empty suite, where he promptly has a panic attack. As he calms back down, the sounds of ghostly singing (sirens, get it?) creeps in. He looks outside to see Simone standing at the top of the beach steps, staring up at him before descending to the bottom. He follows her down, insisting that he wants to help reverse her firing, but she just shakes her head. “I don’t want to work here anymore, anyway,” she says. “But before I go, I need to tell you something.”

Whatever it is, it prompts him to call Jose with such urgency that Jose pulls a U-turn to head back even with Bruce and Devon still in the car (Ray has bounced, which is sad for me personally, but probably for the best). Jose goes straight to find the incriminating photo in Michaela’s safe, which is apparently not so safe from her husband or his right-hand man. Jose asks his boss if he’s sure he wants “to do this again.” Peter’s sure. This doesn’t sound particularly promising for Kiki.

Downstairs, Devon marches straight into the gala to confront Michaela about firing Simone: “She worships the ground you walk on, you stupid bitch.” But wait! There’s more! “You’re a megalomaniac, cult leader, slut, whore, and a MURDERER,” Devon crows, stopping the party in its tracks. But as Sirens has revealed over its five episodes, none of those labels are completely true. As for the final charge? Michaela calmly explains that Jocelyn got botched plastic surgery that’s kept her in private agony for the last decade. “Oh,” is all Devon can say. Yeah, that’s way less fun than stepmommy murder.

As Devon escapes her party foul, Peter informs Michaela that he’s no longer happy in their marriage. “You have systematically discouraged me from knowing my own children for over a decade,” he says, and Michaela can’t stand it. “This again?” she bursts. “You ruined your relationship with your children! You pursued me. You left Jocelyn, you let them demonize me.” Y’know what? Say that!

Peter can’t get past her keeping the paparazzi photo, because “good marriages don’t need a good insurance policy.” True! But as Michaela counters, it’s also true that he and his lawyers made damn sure she’d never be a threat to his money, and that she ultimately had little value to him “outside of my fucking ovaries.” Peter, a billionaire man who’d rather not do any introspection lest he find something real, doesn’t waver. “I’m letting you go,” he says, as if he’s dismissing her from the company that is their household.

It’s an ugly fight between two broken people. It only gets uglier once Simone, looking gorgeous in her custom ice-blue gown, steps downstairs to deliver the final blow. She’s made her choice. Even becoming Peter’s third “Mrs. Somebody” is better than getting stuck back in Buffalo with Bruce.
When Devon sees her sleek sister join Peter’s side at the gala, she can’t believe Simone would betray Michaela so deeply. But Simone’s ready to use Kiki’s own words in her defense: “If it doesn’t serve you, let it go.”

Devon can’t understand this philosophy. Having let Captain Morgan know that she can’t go sailing with him when her dad’s in such a bad way, she’s already decided that she wants to stay in Buffalo, albeit more on her own terms than Bruce’s. After all, she tells Simone through tears, going back to Buffalo to take care of her sister was the best thing she ever did. “You didn’t serve me, and I didn’t let you go,” she says, “but now I have to.” As much love as these two have for each other, Devon realizes they’ll never be on the same page.

“Why do you sound so dramatic? It’s not like I’m not gonna see you,” Simone says, but she’s crying now, too. They make plans that they know they’ll never keep. They say they love each other and say good-bye. It’s deeply sad. If nothing else, though, they’re at least standing firm in choices they’re actively making.

Once Devon and Bruce get on the ferry, who should embark behind them but Michaela? Devon offers her an olive branch, or at least some sympathy. “You think my sister’s going to be okay with him?” she asks, looking back toward the cliffs. “No,” Michaela replies, too quickly to be a lie. But as women born without privilege or power, they both know why Simone did what she did. They can’t even blame her for it. They can only hope that she keeps her head above the siren song as long as she can before the riptide takes her out for good.

Bread Crumbs

• Thanks for reading along with these recaps! This show was a wild and sometimes upsetting journey, but I enjoyed myself and hope you did, too.

• Quick round of applause for Moore, Alcock, and Meghann Fahy, who really did crush it throughout.

• There’s a whole other show in seeing this chain of events through the staff’s POV. Now there are some people who know how to have fun.

• Devon not wanting to cash a $10,000 check is the least understandable instinct she’s had this whole time, because what? Cash that thing immediately, Dev!

• I don’t need another season from this show, but I would pay good money to see Ethan’s reaction to his best friend marrying the ex who drove him over a cliff.

• “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” “Well … you’re a bitch.” Long live sisters! May we never stop giving each other shit.